43720 (Re​-​Recorded)

from Speak Up, Speak Out EP by Ali Zagame

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Speak Up, Speak Out, Ali Zagame's debut EP! Comes in a jacket, and half of ALL proceeds go to charities such as BARCC (Boston Area Rape Crisis Center)!

    ***This is the HARDCOPY***

    If you decide to pay more (there is an option for you to do so), you will be further supporting these charities and receive not only the hardcopy, but it will be signed and I will personally include a thank you letter for helping this important cause!

    Thank you to Tatumn White, for designing this cover, and all those who donated to the Speak Up, Speak Out kickstarter!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Speak Up, Speak Out EP via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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about

I wrote this song previously, and released it in June of last year. It's still extremely difficult to listen to for me, as well as sing and record. However, this is by far one of the most honest, pure songs I've ever written. This is about the rape I suffered exactly two years ago. I'm releasing it again now, re-recorded and produced a second time on the anniversary of my rape in 2014. (43720 is the number I was given at the hospital on the rape kit.) It means so much to me, all the support I've been given. Thank you all so much, and I hope you enjoy the re-release.

***Please note, half of the proceeds from this track as well as any other tracks from Speak Up, Speak Out, go to charities for mental illness awareness***

lyrics

He told me it's my fault
for turning him on
he said it felt so right
when i said it was wrong

his hands were cold
and his heart was frozen
when his lips slammed on mine
i closed my eyes
and held the screams inside

Chorus:
oh can i still wear white
on my wedding day
though no shower's gonna wash
the cheap feelings away
i kept laughing to nurses
pretending this never happened
but they gave me a form that says
how much im damaged
number 43720

he got a slap on the wrists
after clutching mine
guess even justice
needs a day off sometimes

i had surrounding support
but it was never enough
when the 3am nightmares come
i'm still alone when i wake up

so how can i reach out for help
when i still have trouble trusting myself
with myself

(Chorus)

i know there's a light
somewhere in this
but for now i'll blend in better
with the rain
please don't
expect a smile for a while
just like i won't expect you
to know what to say
or understand my pain

but im gonna still wear white
on my wedding day
though no shower's gonna wash
the cheap feelings away
so to the numbers and the nameless
the victims truly blameless
lets not hate these bodies
we did nothing wrong
we already suffered too long
and it was not our fault
it was not our fault

credits

from Speak Up, Speak Out EP, released March 7, 2016
Vocalist/Songwriter: Ali Zagame

Pianist: W.P.

Producer: Anon (By request)

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about

AliZ image

AliZ Boston, Massachusetts

Hello! My name's Alessandra, Ali for short. I was born in Paris, though raised primarily in Massachusetts. I found my love for music at age 11, and began songwriting at Berklee College of Music. I tend to write storytelling songs, and songs that raise awareness or create an impact in some way. I hope my music speaks to you<3 ... more

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